Ok....I realise that I am going to unload again so folks ....prepare.
Tomorrow I get the fun job of heading 2 hours away into Toronto (rush hour) for an 8:45am appointment at the Peter Munk Cardiac Centre at Toronto General Hospital. I am scheduled for my semi annual cardio tests and consultation.
I guess that I never explained before...my baby Nick didn't just look like me...he inherited a lot of my genetic makeup which includes a genetic heart defect called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. HCM in other words. This is what killed him and I gave it to him.
Apparently we got it from my mom and she gave it to my brother and his son as well.
Nick is the only one in our family to die from it. We had no idea about this ticking time bomb until his first symptom...his sudden death.
My son Nick was climbing the stairs from his first period class in the basement to the third floor for his grade 10 English class. He walked into the room said hello to a bunch of friends and fell over unconscious. He quickly stopped breathing and although they immediately initiated CPR and this continued through the arrival of paramedics and the transport to the hospital...he never regained consciousness and was pronounced dead at the hospital.
The worst day of my life...and I gave it to him.
Now....I know that it wasn't my fault as in blame but the inner part of me does feel at fault and having to go and get my heart checked again (to see if the hypertrophy has increased) just brings it all to the forefront of my mind. (as if it ever leaves.)
I get to have an echo cardiogram. an ECG and the results from that delightful MRI.
Oh and guess what....I also get told to lose weight! Hold me back...I just can't wait!!!
Funnily enough...whining about it today has made me feel better.
What kind of fun things are in your future????
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6 comments:
Tamara - thank you for sharing your personal story. Please think of it as sharing and not unloading. There really are no words I can write, other than my heart goes out to you....
I hope your appt goes well - I too hate those MRIs. ( I really hate confined spaces...)
Tamara...thank you for sharing. I just sounds like an overwhelming emotional day for you. By sharing this you know that many bloggers will be thinking of you and be "with" you in spirit on this day. I hope this knowledge can give you some courage and heart. Sending warm thoughts to you ....keep on trudging on girl.
Thanks Guys,
i got through it and heard that I have a common-variety form of HCM which is very uncomplicated and is treated simply with betablockers unless it gets worst.
I felt your support all day...you are the best blogging friends ever!
Tamara
Thank you for sharing. You know we're always here ready to listen! ((HUGS))
--Anna
Diary of an Eccentric
Tamara - hello, we share something in common, I lost my 18 year old son Mark to HCM in August 2008. Since then his father has also been diagnosed. He had an Internal Cardiac Defibulator implanted on Dec 12th and is doing fine. Mark had no symptoms either, he died in his sleep, his 19 year old brother found him in the morning. If you want to talk about our journey as grieving parents, you can email me at dt_vandermeer@hotmail.com. I got your blog from the genetisist at Mount Sinai Hospital today. They found the gene that causes HCM in our family. My surviving son will begin genetic testing, along with my husbands siblings.
I'm very new at this grieving, it's only been 5 months (today) that I lost my baby boy, but I feel like I've been living this horror for a lifetime. I never knew that love could hurt this much.
Tracy Vandermeer
hoping all your tests went well. And sending warm thoughts.
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