My Opinion about the Furor over the Death of Jack Layton.

Shame on you Canadians for jumping all over Christie Blatchford for her recent column about the semi-hysterical attitude that has become the public's reaction to Jack Layton's death. I am speaking as an average Canadian who did not vote for the NDPs in the last election. Maybe..... to be so consumed with public grief...I would need to have been one of his supporters.
Christie...Thank you very much for voicing in a thoughtful and balanced voice....the distaste that you felt and I am feeling over the crocodile tears expressed by many members of this nation. We didn't all vote for him....so why is the grief so out of proportion? Why are people grieving as they would for a close friend or family member? Likely... because he sat in many of our living rooms as he debated and courted us through the last election....I watched him.
Not all of us feel more than a fleeting sorrow over the death of a man who seemed very vital....in his personal and professional life....he was driven. My perspective on this whole affair has not been to lament loudly and publically but to speak quietly with my daughter and husband about feeling regret for another family who has to pick up the pieces of their life and rearrange and puzzle out a new "normal' for themselves. This is hard. I know this because we lost our child almost 5 years ago and are still seeking peace..
There is no question that Jack Layton captured and fired up his supporters with his vim and vigor and yes...his ambition to put the National Democratic Party as near to the top of Canadian Politics as he could. He accomplished what no other NDP leader had ever done. Against all odds...he made the NDP the official Opposition. That earns my admiration and incredulity but I personally did not know him. I believe that many Canadians were still swept up in his enthusiasm and vitality from the election and now they are so very shocked that this seemingly hale and hearty man should be struck down so quickly. It happens in the best of families.
None of us want to think that we could deteriorate so fast and die. I was frankly shocked at his appearance in late July and his frailty but if I had thought about it ...more than in passing...I was probably sure that he would defeat the cancer as he did before. That was just one short month ago.
I do believe though Ms. Blatchford ...that your timing sucked. If you had waited a week or two or a month or more....the reception to your viewpoint might not have been so harsh. No... I don't believe that either. When anyone dies....nobody wants to ever say anything bad or critical of them...even if it is the truth. It almost feels like tempting fate....like bad luck.
I also do not buy into everything that John Moore says here.

I'm Back

Friends and Visitors,
Welcome.
I just wanted to pop in and leave a note for all. I am currently off work due to the implantation of an ICD. (Implantable Cardioverter-Defibrillator) I am recuperating at home as I am not allowed to lift or move my left arm strenuously and my current posting for work has me lifting,changing and almost rolling around on the floor with the kids in the class. I love it.
I am still always reading but I am also pretty involved in my jewelry design and am enjoying my anvil at home.
We are about 4 days away from the anniversary of my son Nick's death. Although we feel that we will never recover from this...we are feeling peaceful right now and for me...the feeling of dread is remarkably absent this year. So far.
Please whisper a little prayer on October 30th for us to get through that day successfully.
Cheers,
Tamara

The Knitting Circle by Ann Hood

Ann's Words

This novel is very special to me. A few years ago I was afraid I would never be able to write again. For my entire life, reading and writing were ways to work out what I felt, what I worried about, what I feared, what I hoped for. Then on April 18, 2002, my five year old daughter Grace died suddenly from a virulent form of strep. As an added insult, when I lost Grace I also lost my ability to use words. I couldn't read and I couldn't write. Letters didn't come together to make words; sentences did not make sense. I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't focus. Almost two years later, the literary journal Tin House sent out a request to writers for submissions for their theme issue on Lying. That night-I was unable to sleep well and was often up walking around the house at all hours-an essay came to me fully developed on the lies about grief. I sat down and wrote it and Tin House published it.

My Thoughts

When I wrote the words describing my thoughts and emotions about Ann Hood's book Comfort...I was also describing The Knitting Circle.
I am sure that this book was a very difficult one to write. Ann took the story of her family and her daughter Grace's death and she fictionalised it. It is almost the same story and well written.
More about this book though was centred on knitting as a form of therapy. a way of living through the grief ...even when you don't want to. The book also introduced a number of different characters who represented people from all walks of life who found knitting to be a solace for their troubles.

Comfort: A Journey Through Grief by Ann Hood

Ann's Words


"Slowly, slowly, I began to tell my own story of loss and grief and hope. You know how that first day at the beach when the ocean water is still so cold, you dip your toes in, then run out? Next try, you get up to your ankles before you run? Then up to your calves, your thighs, until finally you are waist deep and you can dive in head first? That is how I wrote COMFORT. I wrote a little, then retreated. A little more, a little more, until I was able to dive in. "

"I did not know what to do with her Christmas stocking, the one with the angel on it and her name sewn in my crooked attempt to use a needle and thread. I did not know how to celebrate a New Year without her. And on the first anniversary of her death...."
"...My Body cannot move. I am paralysed."
... " I used to wake in a panic that I had forgotten even one detail about her, or that I would forget someday."

My Thoughts

These words above that I have quoted from Ann Hood's book or her website...I have felt them all too ever since my baby died.
I must give proper thanks to Steve Colca of W.W. Norton & Company, Inc....who offered to send me this book after I added him on Twitter. He very sweetly asked me first if this would be a welcome gesture and after I assured him that it was he sent me this book and The Knitting Circle.
Most of my blogging buddies on here know that I myself have been on a grief journey. My son Nicholas (15) died just over 2 years ago on October 30th, 2006. Ever since that day...my heart has stopped beating. Ann's book took me down that road again...she took me back to the anguish and fear and shock that I felt that day. Her book broke my heart again but it also felt cathartic to cry as I relived my own last moments with Nick.
She manages to describe almost exactly the way that I felt about losing my Nicky when she speaks about losing her Grace.
She describes in minute detail all the platitudes that people say to you as a newly bereaved mother. "She/he has gone to a better place." (Are you kidding me?)
"God must have wanted them" (Not as much as I did!)
"I understand what you must be feeling." (Unless you have lost a child lady...no you don't!) and she also speaks about the weirdness that people feel around you. I myself have experienced people ducking behind stores, displays and bushes just to avoid speaking with me. Do they really think that we don't notice?
I have also felt people's impatience with me when I can't get out of bed sometimes to go into work because I am having a really bad day about missing him and I don't want to go on anymore. They are also impatient with me because they are tired of 'being reminded of my tragedy!" I work with a woman like that.
I am never sure how to deal with people like that but as my husband reminds me...that is their problem not mine. I have enough on my plate already.
Thank you Ann Hood for writing this book about your loss. I know that you wrote it just for me...didn't you? It feels like it anyway!

Tamara

Nick's 18th Birthday

My baby was born at 01:36 am January 28th, 1991.

The happiest day of my life and I fell in love immediately, completely forever.

Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy

Ok....I realise that I am going to unload again so folks ....prepare.
Tomorrow I get the fun job of heading 2 hours away into Toronto (rush hour) for an 8:45am appointment at the Peter Munk Cardiac Centre at Toronto General Hospital. I am scheduled for my semi annual cardio tests and consultation.
I guess that I never explained before...my baby Nick didn't just look like me...he inherited a lot of my genetic makeup which includes a genetic heart defect called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. HCM in other words. This is what killed him and I gave it to him.
Apparently we got it from my mom and she gave it to my brother and his son as well.
Nick is the only one in our family to die from it. We had no idea about this ticking time bomb until his first symptom...his sudden death.
My son Nick was climbing the stairs from his first period class in the basement to the third floor for his grade 10 English class. He walked into the room said hello to a bunch of friends and fell over unconscious. He quickly stopped breathing and although they immediately initiated CPR and this continued through the arrival of paramedics and the transport to the hospital...he never regained consciousness and was pronounced dead at the hospital.
The worst day of my life...and I gave it to him.

Now....I know that it wasn't my fault as in blame but the inner part of me does feel at fault and having to go and get my heart checked again (to see if the hypertrophy has increased) just brings it all to the forefront of my mind. (as if it ever leaves.)

I get to have an echo cardiogram. an ECG and the results from that delightful MRI.
Oh and guess what....I also get told to lose weight! Hold me back...I just can't wait!!!

Funnily enough...whining about it today has made me feel better.

What kind of fun things are in your future????

Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosney

Synopsis:

Paris, July 1942: Sarah, a ten year-old girl, is brutally arrested with her family by the French police in the Vel’ d’Hiv’ roundup, but not before she locks her younger brother in a cupboard in the family's apartment, thinking that she will be back within a few hours. Paris, May 2002: On Vel’ d’Hiv’s 60th anniversary, journalist Julia Jarmond is asked to write an article about this black day in France's past. Through her contemporary investigation, she stumbles onto a trail of long-hidden family secrets that connect her to Sarah. Julia finds herself compelled to retrace the girl's ordeal, from that terrible term in the Vel d'Hiv', to the camps, and beyond. As she probes into Sarah's past, she begins to question her own place in France, and to reevaluate her marriage and her life. Tatiana de Rosnay offers us a brilliantly subtle, compelling portrait of France under occupation and reveals the taboos and silence that surround this painful episode.

My Thoughts:

I am having huge difficulty trying to express my thoughts on this book. I enjoyed the read although the characters didn't seem to be well fleshed out but I was aware that the urgency of the subject matter and the magnitude of the horrific event might have overshadowed the character development.

My opinion.

I don't often feel a need to excuse or label my blog discussions as being just my humble opinion but this is a highly sensitive book and I don't want to do it an injustice.

There is No question that the events around the roundup of Jews in Paris is a complete travesty of any war-treaties and the last 6 decades have been spent in trying war criminals in court for such heinous acts. The hardest realisation comes when you read of this event and understand that it was wholly the responsibility of the french police that children were also gathered up and imprisoned. Germany didn't ask this of the french people...they volunteered the children on their own.

I am not here to add my opinion about these unforgivable acts but just to comment on the novel that describes a fictionalised story about these events.

I found it to be an easy read but as I said about the characters...they did not feel real to me. Sometimes it works to the author's advantage, in telling a tale, to play off past events with the present but in this story I felt that it lost the emphasis of the imprisonment. I would have preferred a story just based upon Sarah's voice and her journey but I also understand that the author used the present day tie-in as a way of introducing the events of 1942 when the journalist Julia researched the story.

Spoiler:

It all felt a little contrived and trite to me when Julia ended up with Sarah's descendant.

Too convenient!

Writer's Block

Ok....I am stuck here. I have lost my writing voice. I deliberately gave myself some healing and grieving time over the holidays and read my little head off. I currently owe myself reviews on at least 10 books but for some reason...I can't think what to say.
That is very unlike me! LOL
If anyone has any ideas about how to break this deadlock then PLEASE send them my way!!
Kiss Kiss Hug Hug
I decided tonight that I won't feel guilty about this but I will try and take each book and just start writing. When I come up with something worthy of an audience then I will post.
Thank you for all the lovely comments on my new pic.
Here is the companion to it.

Drinkwater by Eric Hopkins

From the Publisher

Drinkwater was originally an English word given to someone who abstains from drinking alcohol. As a family name it represents sobriety, dignity and self-control.
Nineteen-year-old Amber Drinkwater knows that when life presents hardships, a responsible person meets them fairly, with a clear head and the willingness to work. her plans to start a new life in Toronto with her brother Guy are interrupted when their uncle fails to meet them at the train station, but she resolves to abide until he turns up--and when it seems their caretaker is gone for good, she accepts it as an unexpected but timely call to independence and adult responsibility, in spite of her dearth of money or friends in the city.

The sprawling city of Toronto represents a shining opportunity for Amber to prove herself through an old code of grim endurance and bold resignation, but she will find her simple work ethic is no match for its modern towers, dark streets and disjointed neighbourhoods. Drinkwater is a provocative story that blurs the borders between teenage empowerment and helplessness, between experience and naivety, and between optimism and blind hope.

My Thoughts

Obtained through Mini Book Expo I picked this book because it was set in Toronto. I am a real home-grown girl.
Throughout the book the reason for Amber and Guy to be their own is just hinted at. Suddenly they are alone without parents and nobody is really that invested in helping and providing for them. Somehow they must muddle through the preparations for their life and live it without a safety net and nowhere is this more evident than when they arrive in Toronto and their uncle is supposed to be collecting them from Union Station but he never shows up.
They have no place to go and nobody to call in Toronto to help them. I think that Amber thought she could provide for the two of them but in reality a couple of teens on their own without a lot of money and their luggage in tow become lost like so much dross blowing around the city.
They are unable to even find basic accommodation for themselves and spend days eating nothing more than carbs at local donut and coffee places.
Amber also showed her age and inexperience by her pride. She had thought that she was old enough to care for them both but in reality a grown and experienced adult would be willing to admit when they didn't have any options and would use any and all resources to help themselves and their loved ones.
Well written...I could feel the despair!
I give this a 4 out of 5 stars.
I loved this book and was riveted throughout.

Lost and Found by Carolyn Parkhurst

Synopsis:

What do a suburban mom, her troubled daughter, divorced brothers, former child stars, born-again Christians, and young millionaires have in common? They have all been selected to compete on LOST AND FOUND, the daring new reality show. In teams of two, they will race across the globe --- from Egypt to England, from Japan to Sweden --- to battle for a million-dollar prize. They must decipher encrypted clues, recover mysterious artifacts, and outwit their opponents to stay in play.

Yet what started as a lark turns deadly serious as the number of players is whittled down, temptations beckon, and the bonds between partners strain and unravel. The question now is not only who will capture the final prize, but at what cost.


My Thoughts

What an incredible idea for a story and what a story!
Set up along the lines of The Amazing Race but with the twist of collecting found objects and carrying them with you for the rest of the journey...this includes a parrot, sequins and a ski pole.
The underlying tale speaks to family angst and an unusual mix of secrets with sexual orientation. The teams are each unique and some are more sympathetic than others and you find yourself rooting for them all through the race.
The mother and daughter team of Laura and Cassie are struggling with a family secret that is threatening to split their tiny family asunder while the young married couple Justin and Abby are struggling with their sexuality. There are two ex-child stars looking to rekindle their fame and a pair of brothers that are easy to like but also overlook.
The end of the game is uncertain as each team seems to bring with it it's own agenda and it isn't all about winning the race even though 1 million dollars is certainly compelling.
I enjoyed it immensely and found all the characters quite likable and the book very readable.
I give it a 3.5 out of 5 stars.

Found: 1 Video of My Son's Grade 9 English Project

My Son Nick Baff

Video displayed in the Sidebar------------------------->

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows


ABOUT THIS BOOK

“ I wonder how the book got to Guernsey? Perhaps there is some sort of secret homing instinct in books that brings them to their perfect readers.” January 1946: London is emerging from the shadow of the Second World War, and writer Juliet Ashton is looking for her next book subject. Who could imagine that she would find it in a letter from a man she’s never met, a native of the island of Guernsey, who has come across her name written inside a book by Charles Lamb…. As Juliet and her new correspondent exchange letters, Juliet is drawn into the world of this man and his friends—and what a wonderfully eccentric world it is. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society—born as a spur-of-the-moment alibi when its members were discovered breaking curfew by the Germans occupying their island—boasts a charming, funny, deeply human cast of characters, from pig farmers to phrenologists, literature lovers all. Juliet begins a remarkable correspondence with the society’s members, learning about their island, their taste in books, and the impact the recent German occupation has had on their lives. Captivated by their stories, she sets sail for Guernsey, and what she finds will change her forever. Written with warmth and humor as a series of letters, this novel is a celebration of the written word in all its guises, and of finding connection in the most surprising ways.

My Thoughts

I was drawn into this story from page one when I fell in love with Dawsey. There were only a handful of characters in this book that I didn't have a fondness for and every page was a courtship for me and this novel.
I never knew very much about the island of Guernsey beyond the fact of it being a channel island off the coast of Great Britain and I never knew that it was occupied by the Germans in WW2...so close to England.
There were many shocking revelations in this story but also many examples of the courage and ingenuity shown by the islanders and how they protected their own standing straight and tall in the face of the adversity of war.
The meat of the story is written as a series of letters between all the main characters of the story to each other and Juliet, an author on the mainland. Juliet Ashton is a dream of a heroine with charm and a love of life that spills from the pages of her letters to her editor and friends and their responses seem real not contrived.
The story spills out from the letter writers as each character relates his/her own experience of the occupation and how they managed to survive and also of those family members and friends who were not so lucky.
The images were vivid and tears were shed as some of the words struck home about the losses and tragedies of each islander.. but the ending was wholly satisfying.
I give this novel a 4 out of 5 stars

Nicholas Dana Baff -January 28th, 1991-October 30th, 2006

"Bereavement is a darkness impenetrable to the imagination of the unbereaved."
--Iris Murdoch

My Prayer

To my darling Nicky,
Words fail me on this 2nd anniversary of your death. I can't believe that 2 years have gone past...it feels like just blip in my life...a point at which all the joy has faded from my soul.
All that I felt good about as a grown woman was to be your and Madeleine's mother...everything else felt tainted...you two were the only purity. I must find a way to keep going and continue to feel good about being your mom even if you are not here for me to hold and hug and watch grow up.
I want to believe that we will be together again.

The Dragonfly Secret by Clea and John Adams

The Dragonfly Secret by Clea and John Adams
illustrated by Barbara L. Gibson
Hardcover, 32 pages, First Edition
Ages 8 to Adult


The Dragonfly Secret
A Story of Boundless Love
• A heartwarming story for family members who have lost a loved one
• A companion book to The Dragonfly Door


I received this book through Bostick Communications and the authors because I requested it. I have a particular reason for being interested in reading and reviewing this book…I was curious about it’s validity with a child’s grief as my daughter is experiencing her own grief about the death of her brother. The book may be too young for her-she is 14-but I knew that she could and would give me an unbiased opinion.
The book had gone astray through the champion efforts of our Canadian postal service and when I finally took possession of it…my daughter took the first look. All was quiet for about 15 minutes and then she looked up and told me how sweet the book was and she thought that it would really help some younger kids. I fully intend to donate this book to our local chapter of Bereaved Families of Ontario and I hope that it WILL indeed help another child going through a similar loss.
I looked through the book and enjoyed the beautiful story and illustrations myself. The story was particularly poignant and I even shed a few tears when I reached the end of the book. I found the image of the dragonfly to be very appropriate for a child’s grief but it also wasn’t too sweet. As a grieving mother who is always looking for answers to my own grief there is a distinct lack of books and resources to help us that aren’t too sickly sweet and cute. The last thing that I would want is to view my son’s death in a cutesy fashion.
5 out of 5 stars
Thank you… Clea and John Adams.